The Adventures Of Jade And Vicky
by TheAwesomeJadeandTheHumanFire
Summary: A collection of drabbles and ficlets about a town full of crossovers, ninja police, the amazing red-headed mayor and the crazy vice-mayor/potion maker with a pet plotbunny. Warning: Prolonged reading will lead to dementia, sugar rushes, boyfriend-cows and the banishing of your left ankle.
1. The land of assholes and shenanigans

Emily and Maddi woke up lying on the rubber floor of their school hall. They look at each other strangely; just a minute ago they had been asleep on the couch in Emily's living room. They then realised that there was other people lying on the floor around them. Emily saw her boyfriend Matt and instantly ran over to him.

"What's going on?" Patrick asked from the other side of the hall. "What happened to my bed?"

"Is the door unlocked?" Ben asked picking himself up of where he was sprawled on the ground.

"What the hell?" Kira asked also standing up, but upon seeing her Georgia shrieked. Matt covered his eyes and Emily put her own hand over his eyes. Kira was only wearing underwear and a bra.

"That's what you wear to bed, seriously?" Jaime asked.

"Take my dressing gown, I don't want to look at that," Brandy said taking off her own pink dressing gown and handing it to Kira who was desperately trying to cover herself with her hands.

"Wait a minute who are you?" the Maddy with a Y asked pointing to a girl with brown curly hair that was standing there looking confused.

"Oh I'm Louise," she introduced herself. "But you can call me Loui."

"Hang on aren't you Vicky's friend from Dubbo?" Lucy asked.

"Yeah," she replied. "I haven't heard from her in ages, do you guys know what happened to her?"

Everyone bit their lips before someone finally answered her. "She and our other friend Jade went missing a while ago, no one knows what happened to either of them, and then a few weeks back another friend of ours, Cailyn, went missing without a trace as well," Hannah told her.

Louise stood there dumbstruck, Aiden sighed in annoyance. "Does anyone not care that we magically appeared in our school hall along with someone from Dubbo. I think we should get out of here because I've got a really bad feeling."

"For once this idiot is right, who cares about Victoria. Honestly I was happy when she left and as much as I love hearing that she has vanished without a trace I kind of want to escape." Elliot said finally speaking.

Louise narrowed her eyes and approached Elliot staring at him angrily. "I know you, you're Elliot. Vicky's mortal enemy," she growled at him.

"Hang on, what's this?" Emily asked picking up a gold envelope that was lying in the middle of the hall. "It's addressed to all of us, look it's listed all our names."

"What's it say?" Maddi with an I asked snatching the letter off her and opening it. Everyone crowded around her and she held it up in front of her. "You have been invited to the prestigious and exclusive realm of Victoriana. Please wipe your feet," she read aloud in a confused voice.

Before anyone could speak or even blink a blue glowing circle suddenly started forming out of the letter and Maddi dropped it in shock. The circle grew bigger and bigger until it was big enough to step through, then they were all suddenly pulled through it and felt themselves falling hard and fast.

Until they finally hit ground. When they opened their eyes they found they were standing in a very official looking building that was very large and white. Behind them the blue circle thing was still there. But in front of them was Vicky in at long black flowing dress that swept along the floor and mini top hat, and Jade in a space dress that actually looked like space. And standing slightly behind Vicky was Cailyn in a tight black skirt white blouse and hair done up in a bun with two pencils shoved into it. She was also holding a clipboard.

"Cailyn?" Hannah asked in shock. "Vicky? Jade? What are you all doing here?"

"Welcome to Victoriana," Vicky said motioning to the building around her. "My town of epicness."

"Why would you create a town?" Emily asked.

"Shits and giggles," Jade replied.

Just then a flying mint bunny flew into the room and looked the group of people over. "Are these the people you invited? Sheesh they're a weird looking bunch," it said causing Kira and Georgia to scream simultaneously.

"Waffles meet the group of retards, group of retards meet Waffles, Jade's plotbunny," Vicky introduced. "Oh and you should probably step away from the portal, you might get sucked through to a random universe where you'll probably die."

Everyone instantly jumped away from the blue circle and found themselves closer to Vicky. They also noticed what looked like ninjas standing a short way behind them. A ninja then walked forward and handed Patrick a black ninja outfit and bowed to him as he walked away.

"Oh yes a few things I should mention. Patrick you are the head police officer, now in this town police officers are ninjas, and Hannah your boyfriend Dimitri is also a ninja. I will explain more things later but for now you must come," Vicky explained then pointed to a door.

They walked out the door and into what looked like a lobby. Then they walked out some glass doors and onto a sidewalk. Across the road was a mansion. Everyone gaped at it but Vicky, Jade and Cailyn grinned. Vicky then pointed to it

"That's my house," she told them.

"House?" Maddi asked in shock. "That's a mansion."

"I am the mayor of the town," she shrugged. "Oh and Jade's Vice Mayor, she also owns Priestesses Elixir where she makes Potions and sells them. Cailyn here is my Secretary/ Receptionist/ Bodyguard. She's also a nun along with Hannah and Matt is the priest. Church is down there," she explained pointing right down the road and sure enough they saw a Church.

"Speaking of Potions, Vicky weren't we going to…?" Jade asked rolling her hands to remind Vicky.

"Ah yes, have you got them ready?" Jade nodded. "Excellent, well dish them out. And try not to get them confused. You remember how that ended last time."

Jade saluted and somehow magically produced a basket of Potion bottles out of nowhere. She handed one to Elliot, one to Brandy, and one to Emily. Once they had drunken them, Elliot with much force feeding, Vicky snapped her fingers and some ninjas walked forward dragging someone in chains, it turned out to be Lizze, Emily's mortal enemy.

"Now take Emily out of the sun before the potion finishes it's process, and take Lizze, she'll be hungry when she turns," Vicky commanded the ninjas that nodded and ushered Emily towards a carriage driven by horses and shoved her inside. Taking Lizze with them.

"Should we take Elliot straight to the bridge?" Jade asked Vicky quizzically.

"Nah, I want them to see the process of transformation," Vicky grinned evilly.

Everyone turned to Elliot who had turned pale. Then he fell to the ground squirming in pain and then his skin started turning green and he grew lumps on his face. Then when he stood on his feet he was babbling incoherently and he was even uglier than normal. He was a troll.

"It worked!" Jade shouted successfully.

Everyone then looked to Brandy who shaking violently. Then she sprouted glittery wings out of her back and her skin started to sparkle. When the transformation was done Brandy was a fairy. But not one of the Fairy's that fit in your palm, a human sized fairy.

"What the hell?" Brandy asked checking herself out.

Elliot was still babbling so Vicky snapped her fingers yet again and two more ninjas appeared. They dragged Elliot away and everyone watched him go, laughing like maniacs, Jade the loudest.

"So I guess I need to show you guys your houses," Vicky said clapping her hands together. "Hannah your friend Jess is already waiting for you and some of your friends from Youth Group are here. "

"You do not know how much trouble it's been rounding up everyone and sending out portals, we had to siphon off power across the whole town for about a week," Jade told them. "Almost had to get rid of the plumbing, man you should've seen the riot that caused."

"Brandy, Waffles will show you to your farm," Vicky said motioning to the flying mint bunny. Brandy looked uneasy but never the less started following Waffles.

"I guess we'll got to Squirkangleagon Rd first then make our way down," Jade suggested.

Vicky nodded. "That's what I was thinking, I'll call my carriage," she let out a high pitch whistle and a carriage pulled by two black horses came towards them from down the road. They all climbed into the carriage and despite is being slightly squished, they all managed to fit.

"So how did you make this place?" Louise asked.

Vicky was about to speak but Cailyn interrupted. "I'm afraid that information is classified and is only known to the dictatorship," she said officially.

"What's the…" Maddy started.

"The dictatorship is myself, Victoria and Jade, we hold all the information about Victoriana and its people," Cailyn replied before Maddy even had a chance to finish the question.

"Oh here we are the first house," Vicky said excitedly as the carriage pulled up. She then shoved Aiden out the door that Cailyn opened for her. "You work every day except Sunday and there's a booklet type thing with details on your job and the town, bye."

With that she slammed the carriage leaving Aiden standing on his front lawn looking confused. The carriage then drove for about 5 seconds and stopped. This time when Cailyn opened the door Vicky actually walked out. She then pointed to Louise who stood up and followed her. They were in front of the house that was directly beside Aiden's.

"Is this my house?" Louise asked pointing to the house in front of her.

"Correct," Vicky replied. "And across the road is a dance studio where you work."

Louise's jaw dropped and before she could throw herself at Vicky in a bear hug, Vicky ran quickly towards the carriage shouting "Drive! Drive! Drive!"

The carriage went into a U turn and drove away quickly. There was an abrupt turn as they obviously went down a different road. They stopped abruptly again and several people fell forward and hit the opposite side of the carriage. Namely Jade. Cailyn opened the right hand door carriage and Vicky stepped out.

"Hannah this is your house," she said pointing to it. "Directly to the left of your house is the Church and on the right you have Dimitri (Hannah squealed in delight) and across the road from you is where Cailyn lives."

"And there is a possibility that the person right at the end of the street will throw parties often. Because someone decided to let him do whatever he wants," Jade said glaring at Vicky out of the carriage.

"Dumbledore is the wisest person in this town and he's no good to me locked up in Gaol," Vicky snapped.

"Dumbledore!" everyone exclaimed, except for Jade who muttered, "And the oldest."

"Yes Dumbledore, and you shut up, anyway bye Hannah, you start your job tomorrow," Vicky said before she walked away back to the carriage. "You did put the information folders in the houses didn't you Jade?"

"I hope so," she replied.

"What happened to Emily anyway?" Maddi asked as the carriage started moving again.

"Turned into a vampire," Vicky replied. "Ah here's our next stop, Jaime this is you." Vicky and Jaime exited the carriage leaving Maddi sitting their blinking her eyes in a confused way. "Now you know the drill, your info is inside and you start work tomorrow bye. Oh and Maddy with a Y you can get out and walk to your house because I don't want to take my carriage down there. We're behind schedule and we need to get to Made of Soda Lane."

Maddy climbed out and Vicky climbed in. The carriage did another dangerous U turn causing several people to be slammed against the sides. Vicky hummed to herself causing everyone to stare at her; at least until Jade stood up and started singing "You can't fight the homestuck". She stopped when the carriage made another abrupt stop causing Jade to go flying forward. Again.

"Matt this is your stop," Vicky said when Cailyn opened the door on the left. When he wouldn't move Vicky shoved him. "Information inside, you start work Monday, blah blah blah, goodbye." With that she slammed the carriage door and it started moving again.

"Can I do this one?" Jade asked Vicky.

"Yes do as you wish," Vicky sighed.

"Ok Lucy your house is out here, information is inside, you start working on Monday and you live behind Georgia so don't be disturbed if you hear strange noises at night," Jade said as she led Lucy out of the carriage to her house.

She then skipped back to the carriage and sat down grinning at everyone. "Are you happy now?" Vicky asked her. She nodded. "Well it's Maddi's turn now."

"Oh this is a great time to test that new thing I put in the carriage," Jade said excitedly.

"And what might that be?" Vicky asked.

Jade grabbed a lever that was above her head. "Ejector Seat!"

Maddi screamed as she was flung through the roof of the carriage leaving a gaping hole. Vicky glared at Jade who chuckled nervously.

"Good job Jade you have successfully put a hole in my carriage, couldn't you have at least installed something that opens up?" Vicky sighed.

"Sorry," Jade said innocently.

"You might need to go to the hospital!" Vicky shouted at Maddi through the newly formed roof as the carriage preformed another U turn. "Now that leaves Ben and Georgia," she said looking over the last two left to deliver to their houses.

The carriage turned yet another corner and stopped but this time Jade didn't fall forward, instead she was thrown forwards and collided with the opposite wall.

Vicky opened a slot behind her. "Try and be a bit more gentle with the brakes!" she snapped.

"You try pulling a carriage around on your back all day," the horse talked back at her.

Vicky rolled her eyes and muttered. "Anyway Ben your house is the one on the left, Georgia the one on the right, information inside, work start Monday, yada yada yada, see you later." With that Vicky left them standing in front of a house where a girl was looking at them strangely out the window.

"I wonder how everyone's actually going to survive in this town," Jade muttered.

"I don't know, but just wait until the first council meeting comes around," Vicky said shaking her head.

"You do know that you haven't given me a house yet," Kira pointed out from where she was still sitting in the carriage.

* * *

**Jade: Well, this is the new story!**

**Vicky: Aren't we going to finish the old one?**

**Jade: Uh...Kinda...Sorta...Maybe?**

**Vicky: Well, apart from the first two chapters, this is going to be a drabble series.**

**Jade: Drabbles are my expertise! So expect a lot of them!**

**Waffles: This story is a crossover of Harry Potter and Homestuck as well as a whole bunch of stuff that I don't give a shit about.**

**Jade: *hits Waffles* RUDE!**

**Vicky: *hits Waffles* TO THE EXTREME!**

**Waffles: Ow! **

**Jade: So expect more updates soon! This is currently our pet project!**


	2. The end of the beginning

**WARNING: Content includes Gamzee related swearing and other bizarre shit. Not recommended for sensible minded people. Crazy people may read ahead at the risk of whatever sanity they have left.**

"Damn it no, the cupcakes are not allowed free gift cards!" Jade shouted slamming her fist on the table. "Otherwise the Orang-utans will steal all the cookies and Charlie Chaplin will start tap dancing naked. And then we'll have to outlaw all the bagpipes."

The first council meeting was not going well. Everyone was arguing and Cailyn had backed up against the wall in fear. At the end of the table Matt was discussing Slender man with Patrick who was sitting across from him, while on Patrick's left Maddi was insulting Aiden who was sitting on her right. Georgia was leaning forward to show off her tissue stuffed shirt which was completely disturbing Maddi, and Jaime, on Georgia's left, was trying to shout at everyone to stop. Lucy was arguing with Hannah, who was sitting across from her on Jaime's left, about the dirtiness of the mind. And Jade was just shouting out random shit as usual while Waffles watched amused as he sat across from Jade eating cookies.

"Enough!" Vicky shouted at the top of her lungs from the head of the table. Everyone fell silent and Georgia sat up straight causing Maddi to sigh in relief. "I will not have my council acting like a babbling bubbling band of baboons! Now we have important things to attend to. You can argue later. Cailyn's what's first on the agenda?"

Cailyn stepped forward and handed Vicky a piece of paper. Vicky read over it about three times before looking up.

"First thing we must address is the incident that occurred yesterday in Café Supreme. The incident in which Kira ran into the Café shouting, 'Harry Potter sucks, Twilight's the best'. Now that is breaking our law that states no one shall dis Harry Potter or Homestuck, the punishment is being banished from the town but Kira is an important member of the community so suggestions anyone?" Vicky said.

"Why don't you do to her what you did to me," Georgia suggested putting her left leg up on the table which had a cage around her ankle.

"Yes but Kira needs to be banished completely," Jade argued. "Not just her left ankle."

"Why did we banish her left ankle anyway?" Vicky asked Jade.

"I don't know," she shrugged.

"May I make a suggestion?" Dumbledore asked from the bottom of the table. "Why don't you give Kira her own land, I believe there is a spare space over the bridge, owned by neither you or the Fish King in the next country over, where the Tampon Troll lives underneath. Why not let her live there. And the brothel where she works is on the edge of town."

There was silence until Vicky stood up. "See Jade, that is why Dumbledore has official rights!" Vicky shouted pointing at Dumbledore. "We shall now move Kira into Kira Land, a name which I made up five seconds ago."

"Also to keep Kira 'satisfied' we should give her boyfriends," Hannah suggested.

"Why don't we make them cows!" Jade shouted slamming a fist on the table, causing Waffles, who had been falling asleep, to wake up with a shock.

"I'm sorry, what?" Jaime asked.

"Cows with the faces of boys, and Kira should just have a two room house with a small bathroom, and a bedroom/ kitchen/ living room. So that way the rest of Kira land can just be filled with free range boyfriend-cows," Jade explained.

"I'm not sure Kira would like to date cows Jade," Georgia said pointing out the obvious flaw in the plan.

"I'll just give them a potion so when they walk into Kira's house they magically turn into real boys," Jade said waving her hand.

"Very well then it's decided, the land previously known as the useless empty space is now Kira land," Vicky said banging a hammer onto the table. "Patrick, Jade and I will do the honours of moving her there. Now Cailyn, what's the next item of business?"

"The citizens demand list," Cailyn said handing her another piece of paper.

"Oh, not this shit again," Vicky sighed taking the paper off her and reading it. "They want a McDonalds, really? And a freaking Hovercraft, I'm not made of miracles. And who demanded a chocolate fountain in the middle of the shopping district?"

Maddi raised her hand and Vicky scowled at her.

"I know what we can do for McDonalds," Jade said. "We build it on the left of the hospital and create a back road leading from Kira land to McDonalds, and any of her boyfriend-cows she gets bored with we can make them into burgers. We shall call it, the McBoyfriend burger."

Vicky looked around the room and shrugged. "I'm all for it, it's so bizarre it just might work, and no chocolate fountain or hovercrafts." She banged her hammer on the table again almost hitting Waffles as she did so, who had managed to fall asleep yet again.

"Last item of business is the nun outfits that we need to make," Cailyn said this time handing her a folder.

"Ok I think we should get standard design with the whole head thing and robes but we still need to decide on the colour," Vicky announced looking through the catalogue. "Cailyn and Hannah you are our nuns, any ideas you want to share with the council?"

"How about just normal colours, you know black and white," Hannah suggested.

Everyone looked at her as if she'd grown antlers. "Are you kidding me?" Vicky asked. "This is Victoriana, nothing is normal here. We have Coles and Woolworths in the same building. Just so we can watch them argue. And Ninja Police. And Vampires. And a secret underground Apple Store."

"Why don't we have just regular black, and instead of white we have Jade Green," Jade suggested.

"Done," Vicky said banging her hammer on the table again so quickly that no one could have time to argue. "Cailyn we'll need some help with Kira, so fetch Eridan and Gamzee. Now who wants tacos?"

One very large order of tacos later Jade and Vicky were walking past the brothel with Eridan and Gamzee each holding one of Kira's arms. Kira surprisingly wasn't struggling as much, but that was mostly because Eridan was flirting with her. She wasn't really paying much attention to him though.

"WhErE aRe We TaKiNg ThIs MoThErFuCkEr?" Gamzee asked.

"All will be revealed," Vicky reassured him.

"Wwhy do wwe havve to help you anywway?" Eridan asked.

"Because I let you live in my town for free," Vicky replied. That shut him up.

They arrived at the bridge that led to Kira Land. Underneath that bridge was where the Tampon troll (previously Elliot), lived. He often had a tendency to try and eat people's ankles, but the Mayor had a way around that. Vicky grabbed a large and thick branch that was lying nearby and proceeded over the bridge followed by the rest of her party.

They saw the ugly face of the Tampon Troll appear as well as one of his lumpy clawed hands that reached for Eridan. Vicky swung the branch and got him straight over the head, knocking him out. She then continued brutally beating him until Jade stopped her.

"If tHaT MoThErFuCkEr iS StIlL AlIvE ThEn tHaT WoUlD Be a mOtHeRfUcKiNg mIrAcLe," Gamzee said as they walked across the bridge.

Once they reached the other side of the bridge they shoved Kira in the direction of her tiny two room house and bolted in the other direction. But Eridan, who knew nothing about the plan, just stood there confused. As they ran across the bridge Vicky hit Elliot one more time for good measure.

* * *

**Jade: So, this is the end of the beginning! But not the beginning of the end!**

**Waffles: That made no sense.**

**Vicky: Oh hush you! Anyway, we're only just getting started.**

**Jade: Oh, Eridan~**

**Eridan: wwhat?**

**Jade: Come with me sweetie~**

**Eridan: uh, ok**

**Vicky: And there they go again.**

****_Random trivia time! Jade's patron troll is Kanaya and Vicky's is Gamzee!_

**Waffles: So there are more drabbles coming up! So stick around, 'cause it only get wierder**_  
_

**Vicky: Now where did Brandy go? Goddamn stupid lousy fairies and their goddamn stupid lousy shenanigans. **


	3. In The Beginning There Were Two Girls

A loud crash came from the house where the vice-mayor lived. Which just so happens to be in a tree.

"What are you two doing?" Vicky asked, looking around the large room. She was in a large library, with tall bookcases that reached the ceiling and an open fireplace in the middle of the circular room.

"Waffles is dropping all the books again!" Jade said as she swung around on a moving ladder. As the ladder glided across the shelves, her large poofy skirt caught on a book and it went clattering to the floor.

"I thought I told you to stop that!" Waffles cried, exasperated. He was helping Jade to make a new batch of potions. They were just gathering the recipe now. "Can't you just change into your work clothes?"

"In a minute! I just have to find- ah! Here it is!" She exclaimed and pulled out the book, which sent a whole lot of others clattering to the floor. "Oopsie daisy…"

A large amount of muffled yelling was coming from where the poor mayor had been buried under a pile of VERY heavy books. Jade slid down the ladder and rescued her friend from the terrible fate of being smothered.

"Remember when I used to save you just like this?" Jade grinned.

"I remember it being the other way around." Vicky replied.

"Oh yeah? Give me an example." Jade said, not believing.

"Well, you remember that one time…" Vicky started.

"_Vicky! I'm bored! Come get me!" Jade whined, "Plus, there's a creepy dude in here. He says his name is Light and that he's going to be the god of the new world. He's crazier than I am!"_

"_There is no way I'm breaking you out of prison!" Vicky yelled, annoyed._

_Although she said that, less than two days later, Jade was out of jail. Again._

"_Now what?" Vicky sighed, sitting on the curb._

"_We need a way to not be chucked in jail over and over and over again."_

"_How are we supposed to do that?"_

"_We become the mayors!"_

"_We can't have two mayors!"_

"_Then I'll be vice-mayor!"_

"_And how are we supposed to do that?"_

"_We kill everyone else!"_

"_NO! That's a terrible idea!"_

"_Well what else are we supposed to do?"_

"_We'll think of something…."_

"What did we end up doing anyway?" Vicky wondered. Jade just smiled evilly and laughed under her breath.

"Things that are better left untold."

"You guys just went to an empty town and took it over, you numbnuts." Waffles sighed.

"Gog dammit, you ruined the suspense and the evilness!" Jade yelled furiously, trying to hit the mammal with a large book.

"And this is why you two aren't allowed to live in town." Vicky sighed, watching the two chase each other around the room, knocking over a lamp and destroying yet another table.

* * *

**Jade: This is the story of how Victoriana came to be!**

**Vicky: The rest of the story will be drabbles and ficlets.**

**Waffles: And in case you didn't notice it, there was a Death Note reference in there.**

**Jade: So we'll see you later! Hopefully soon!**


End file.
